I am not perfect. Wow. I am glad I got that one out there. I do not have all of my loads of laundry washed. My house isn’t perfectly clean, decorated, and tidy. My language can be bad, my hair is often a mess, and most of the time I am winging life on a prayer because I have no idea what’s going on. If you aren’t the same, please please please give your secret to the rest of us. I am discovering that most people are like me, and that we’re all out here just trying to figure it out one day at a time.

I’m starting to realize that I am not the only one struggling every so often with my kiddos. Girl is learning how to be a good citizen of the world, and sometimes she doesn’t quite understand her role. Sometimes she pushes or pulls another child, or hits. Sometimes she growls or cries when she doesn’t get what she wants. Don’t we all, really? She sometimes gets marker on her clothing, boogers all over her face, and even says things that don’t make any sense in any worldly language. We don’t always see eye to eye. I say NO! roughly 10 kazilliondy times per day… But you know what? I love the heck out of her and she definitely smiles whenever I come in the room and says “Hi Mama…”. Her sweet little “Yub You” at night just makes it all worth it. I doubt she’s worried about the laundry, my hair, my breakout, or my unmade bed. I bet she doesn’t even think about it.

Boy doesn’t even know that his arms are his own yet. He daily tosses up part of his meal onto my shirt. Most of the time, I don’t have time to even change it. Gross? Yep. He poops and overflows sometimes. I bet he’s not being malicious. The other day, he tooted and laughed for two minutes at the face I made. It was that simple to make his day over something small. I bet he doesn’t care that I didn’t do my chores during that night. He doesn’t know how tired I am. All he knows is that if he screams, I come running. If he cries, I pick him up. Something about having a baby calm down just because you picked them up can make you feel super human, even when you lost your deodorant two days ago and your teeth haven’t been brushed in three.

I always had this illusion in my head that other women had it all together. I saw pieces of it in everyone. Geez her hair looks fantastic. WOW, she really knows how to decorate her front walkway. Her laundry is all done. She can cook. WHOA, she brought gifts for everyone here! Thank you cards written within the week of receiving a gift?! She even has time to brush out the dog on an every other day basis? Excuse me, did she just say that she can make it to the gym five times a week and runs marathons?! Oh my goodness, she is just the BOMB. Check out THAT woman, her outfit is SLAMMIN! How about that one, she is so put together!

Here’s what I’m learning. Each of us has a few things that we are really good at. We also have things going on in our lives that are not so great. It’s the good in each of us that we share with others that helps us to support one another. If we were all great at everything, 1) we wouldn’t need any support, and 2) even if we did, no one could help us because everyone would have the same abilities. So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna keep it real. I’m gonna accept that sometimes my house is gonna be a little bit messy because it is more important to play with my kids and relax. I’m going to realize that I do not necessarily care if I’m dolled up to the nines. I don’t work outside the home right now, and the work that I do do for others is generally done in plain clothing. I betcha my Girl and Boy think that my jeans and nice top look pretty awesome. I am never going to have long think hair. Nope. I was given thin hair. It looks better short. Doesn’t even generally hold a curl. But I’m going to celebrate my friends’ hair by telling them that it looks fantastic like that, and that they should know that someone noticed. I will rock my asymmetrical bob that I keep returning to after I grow it out and realize that all I do with long hair is put it in a pony tail. Either that or I will have fun growing it out and rock the pony. Good times. Anyhow, I’m finally learning as I approach 30 (and by approach I mean in just over a month…), even though I am not the composite of all of the perfect characteristics that I see in others, I can be pretty cool. I can celebrate with others what is great about them and support them with what is great about me. I can ask them to support me in what they know that I do not, and I can relax and enjoy my kids.

Easier said than done though. It’s a hard lesson to learn… It’ll probably be something I work on for the rest of my life. Jealousy is a fact of life. Guilt from that jealousy too… But if you can finally accept that you are you and no matter how much you fight to be someone else, you’re always gonna be you, you will spend less time upset and more time improving the you that exists. That’s a lot of yous. Blah. I’m rambling. Oh well. Enjoy my ramble. I’ve been told I could talk a dog off a meat truck a time or two. I used to think that was an insult. Maybe it is. I’m going to choose to hear it as “you are really a treat to listen to…”. So there you have it. This year I am going to work on accepting and improving myself on my own terms. I’m gonna be me this year. Can’t cook, nubby pony tail or neck length bob wearing, don’t always get perfect pictures, can’t sing on tune, not always put together outfit wearing, always working on a project, run-on sentencing, learning to relax and play with my kids Kate. Who are you gonna be?