“Sometimes I tell myself that the reason I keep on some of this extra baby weight is so that I have the energy to chase my kids around all of the time. I also tell myself that in the event of an emergency, I would gladly feed my kids my thighs.” Yep. I said that to my friends the other day while eating breakfast during a conversation about how once you become a mother your body is never the same. We were lamenting the fact that some women bounce right back after kids, and it takes the rest of us forever. Well here’s the thing.. If your body wasn’t a 6Pack with double D’s to begin with, you’re not going to bounce back to that body. If you didn’t run marathons before, having a baby isn’t going to make you wonder woman (Well yes it is – but not in this way.) All three of us were working on getting “back”, and I realized that all three of us looked pretty darn good. We were holding ourselves to crazy standards. It didn’t stop there.
In the end we all admitted to one another that we thought the others had it all together. Then we all had a laugh because in truth, none of us have everything on the ball. Yeah, it sounds great when we tell our stories of what we are doing and all, but we don’t tell Mommy’s Guilty Secret. What is that? The secret is out ladies, All of us kill ourselves with guilt. When we work, we think we should stay home. When we stay home, we think we should be working. We all feel like we need a break, and none of us will ever admit it or ask for help. None of us think, “Holy Cow I am SO the BEST Mom EVER” all of the time. There is always that moment where we say to ourselves, “There goes the Mom of the Year Trophy” when our kid makes a mistake, says something honest that was better left unsaid, or lock our keys in the car. We all think that someone out there has it all together and we wish we were them. The old saying is true, “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” I don’t know who originally said that, but they were mad smart. Sometimes our pride hurts us. We think we should be able to do it all, and do it all alone. Its not that way. Our society has it wrong. We are supposed to work together. No one is good at everything… At least not in the long run.
A friend complimented me in a backwards way when she said, “Kate. I’m really glad you are bad at the gym.” “Why?” “Because you’re so damned good at everything else. I’m glad I’m better at something than you are. I wasn’t sure it was possible.” Another friend thanked me for letting her come over when my house was in disarray because it made her feel better about her own house. I’m glad to have served as a friendly reminder to you both that everyone has their issues. I’m SHOCKED and flattered that you thought I always have my stuff together, because it is SO not the case. I’m generally running around like a looney… And feeling guilty that I’m not just stopping and playing with my kids more. Trust me, no one has it all together. Everyone feels guilty because everyone is faulted. Well here’s my view: Celebrate your difference. For 30 years I tried to be “perfect” and now I’m realizing that some of my wackadoodle nature is what people like the most. I like my friends because they make me feel better about myself and support me. No offense ladies, but I didn’t pick you because your hair was perfect or your thighs didn’t jiggle. I picked you because of our common values, your heart, your support, your smile, your listening ears, your sense of humor, and because you picked me back. You are who I picked, not your perfections. I like change. If there was a perfect, there would be no change. We’d just stop at “right”. Bo-ring. I like you for you… even when you have that morning hair and I have to remind you to put your tag down on the neckline of your shirt once in a while. Please. If you want perfect, don’t look to me. If you want to have fun, to learn, to play, and to try new things… Then I’m your girl.
So the secret is out. We all are faulted, and we all feel guilty about it. Lets save ourselves the time and energy we would waste on lamenting by celebrating what strengths we do have, and helping others who do not. Lets let someone else be the great chef while we eat macaroni and cheese. But lets give the best of ourselves to the world, zits and all, because we are worth it. ::Backflip dismount off of soapbox::.
