Remember that song from EnVogue?! I do. It had that part in the middle where the deep guy’s voice says “And Now It’s Time for a Breakdown” (at 3:05 if you’re looking for it in the video). I heard it in the car this week and started to laugh. I’d just spent an hour talking to a friend about how I was overwhelmed with everything that I was trying to do. I love all of my projects, and I don’t want to give any of them up. She reminded me that “life is not a product. It’s a process. Incremental success is the only way you’ll make it all happen. Break it down.” The song was just another sign that this was going to be my new way of life. A radio sign, but one sent my way deliberately.
So there you have it. . With two kids and When you have two kids under the age of three, and you are trying to maintain a mini-farm (5 animals), a marriage, a few websites, some ongoing projects, and heaven forbid my sanity, it is a lot to fit into a 24 hour day. We all have bills to pay, a house to clean, and maybe some baby weight to lose (tell me about it.). When you’re an overachiever and you want to do it all yourself, you try to brave the waters. You hit the day head on and you get as much done as possible. Every night, you go to bed exhausted. The to-do list is never done. You keep telling yourself, “I will enjoy the stage my kids are at when I finish doing…” but … never comes. There’s always a …. Why do we have to feel guilty about it?! In my case, it is because historically I have been successful quickly. Incremental success was never really required because I could just bore into a project until it was finished. Though teachers told me to “write an outline, take notes, then write a paper”, often I did all of the steps in one seating and finished the project. Completion. That was the goal. Now life is different. I am learning that life is not a product, it’s a process. I need to take my bigger projects and break them down. For instance, I still have some scrapbooking to do before I start doing my digital books for photos. Instead of being able to put up a table and sit for a whole day to knock out all of my pages the way that I used to, I have to break the pile down into smaller bags filled with either a topic or a single scrapbook page. Do each bag in a seating, but don’t try to do them all at once. Plan it out and do little bits at a time to get to the final goal. Incremental success to achieve larger goals is the only way that I am able to reach milestones. As much as I would have liked to have told Girl, “quit peeing your pants.” and have her say “OH! ok.” and never have an accident, it doesn’t work that way. Hubs did the three day potty training method with her, then we have had a few months of maintenance. We are almost there. She has one accident a week. I used to think that we’d failed. Then I got out a calendar and put a sticker on days that she stayed dry and a frowny face on days she didn’t. There are more stickers than there are frownies. We are winning. Soon we will have achieved the goal, but it took time. Bleh. Everything takes time. Losing the baby weight (10 lbs left out of 80!), scrapbooking, developing projects, teaching Girl colors, numbers, and letters, cleaning the house, decorating. Everything has to be done “one step at a time” instead of my old “all at once” method. I can’t just ignore the kids. Girl actively tries to push safety limits with her daring doo, and Boy doesn’t take hunger or dirty diapers lying down. Further, I used to flit around from project to project. Now I need to find balance and do a little bit of everything everyday instead of knocking out one project first then another the next day. It’s not easy, but its important. Getting mad and yelling at myself hurts not only me but my kids because it makes me grumpy. Having unrealistic expectations steals time from my children, and sets them up to have unrealistic expectations of themselves and continue the cycle. Pride doesn’t come from completion, which I once thought. I now know that pride comes from knowing you did your best while you were doing the project. Pride comes from facing a challenge and finding a strategy that works for you and working your way through the problem. The best teacher you ever have is the one that pushes you to your limits, helps you to realize your potential, and to become a better person. My kids, hubs, family and friends are my best teachers in life. Life is about giving of yourself. Give the best of yourself by being kind and gentle to yourself and enabling yourself to balance more by doing it all in pieces instead of holding the whole burden at the same time. I am more proud of myself when I can say that I’ve done a good job throughout the process… I will be more proud when I learn to break things down further and have more realistic expectations.
Though people frown upon it, outsourcing or combining resources really makes life easier. You sometimes have to admit that you can’t do everything, and hire someone to assist. If you can’t afford that, then find a friend to trade talents with you. Someone can cook, someone else can clean, someone else can drive the kids to tennis. You’ve got to work smart, not hard. Like all of the cliches that are out there say, “If you plan to succeed, you must succeed to plan” ~ Franklin Covey. So, if you’re like me, learn to break it down and get organized for success. Learn to outsource. Learn to forgive yourself for not being able to do it all at once all of the time. Relax. Even Martha Stewart doesn’t do it all well. She’s not married. She doesn’t have young kids anymore. Her stuff is amazing, but she has a whole marketing team to have us all believe that to be the case, and really a whole team of people to do her bidding. Friends and other people don’t tell you about their struggles as much as their successes. Why would they? Keep that in mind when you set your goals. Break them down. I’m definitely not a Martha. I’m just a Kate who is raising Girl and Boy, loving Hubs, and working through life the best way she knows how. Learning to be better because it’s not just about me anymore. And now it’s time for a breakdown…
How do you deal with finding balance in your life? Do you have any tips that others can use to make life easier? What do you break down into smaller projects so that you are able to easier face the day? What do you have to get done to feel relaxed? What doesn’t seem as important after you’ve had children, when you thought it was incredibly pressing before having them?
