Recently, while talking to girl, I realized that we sometimes don’t raise our kids to live in the REAL world. Some of the things we teach our kids are in large part “do as I say, not as I do”. To me that’s sad, but it’s just the truth. Listen to these “mandatory lessons” kids need to learn:

  • Share. This is a great theoretical principle. What’s mine is yours. What’s yours is mine. In the world of our children, they better share everything with siblings, you, or even strangers if they are kids. Crayons, food, you name it. It’s communal. Really? When was the last time you passed your keys to a stranger and said “Take ‘er for a spin!”? Nope. We don’t share everything as adults. Maybe we should come from the perspective of “respect other people’s toys” and “be kind” rather than just “share for the sake of share” because really, no. We don’t share. We work hard for our treasures, and we keep them to ourselves. When we share our resources, we expect something in return or we consider it charity. I don’t think my daughter at age three thinks that way. She just thinks that everything is everyones. Not the way of the world, but at age 3 it seems to be. We should teach this, but gently because otherwise they will be defensive and selfish. If it’s fun to share, they will. If we yell, it becomes something that is painful and should be avoided. My kids taught me that lesson. Trust me, I did not know it before them.
  • Take only what you can afford or have earned. How many times have we told our kids “we don’t have money for that today”, then used our credit cards to purchase groceries because we need the next paycheck? I stopped telling Girl that last week when she pointed out the obvious: “We don’t need money! Use credit card!” Yikes. I tell her that “we didn’t earn” something today or “we need X instead” now. She understands the VALUE now instead of just money for a good. Realistically, if adults understood the “take what you can afford or have earned” principle, we as a nation would be in a boatload less trouble.
  • Clean up after yourself. Ok. Raise your hand if your car looks like it’s been through some sort of carpet-endurance-testing facility where they mash as many crunchy foods into the carpet as possible to see just how good a vacuum works. No? How about do you ever go to bed without doing the dishes? No?! You’re tough – or you’re a liar. Fine. How about this one: Is your desktop 100% clear, your garbages completely emptied, and all of the food that you’ve ever used completely sealed and in their appropriate assigned positions within their receptacles and cabinet/fridge? Are you perfectly organized and tidy? No? Shocking. No one is. Why do we place this expectation on our children if we are unable to meet it ourselves? Really. Here’s the point: as adults we can get complacent/lazy. We should be inspired by the kids, and should try to emulate THEIR responsibility. We should take better care of things, and put our stuff away just we finish our work. It’s important for them to see it, and it would be less stressful if we just did things completely the first time. I learned this one when I looked at my playroom and it was destroyed. Come on, really?! I realized if we’d put it away in little bits it’d be easier. I sighed and cleaned that room and then went to my office. I looked at my desk and realized it was a microcosm of the other mess, it was just my stuff so I wasn’t as stressed about it. Ooops. Lesson learned.
I could go on and on, but my point is this: I have been realizing that the world we expect our children to live in is the IDEAL world. It would be awesome if we could live the way that we expect three year olds to live. We would share. We would take only what we are due. We would be kind. We would take turns. We would think about one another’s feelings. We would apologize when we did something wrong. We would  say please, and thank you. We would ask permission. We would take care of our toys and respect our homes. We would eat at the table. We would put things away when we were done. We would support and applaud creativity and learning. We would complement one another more. We wouldn’t swear. We would give more hugs. We would cry when things hurt rather than bottling up the pain. We would be more honest with ourselves and with others. We would be easier to entertain. We would take naps. We would get the nutrition we need to keep our bodies and minds healthy. We would trust more. We would have an easier time with our faith. We would simply believe in the good in the world. We would be happier. I think this is why most of us become parents. We want the chance to see the world they do again. I know that for me, it has made me a WAY better person. It has made me more patient. It has made me look with wonder at little things, and get excited again about things that are silly. What about you? I don’t wish to be three again. I just know that I want to raise my kids for an ideal world in the hopes that someday they can help change the reality of the world that does exist. I will prepare them for the real world too, but for now? Share. Accept only what you have earned. Clean up after yourself. And keep those hugs and snuggles coming, because Mama loves you.