We are up to our eyeballs in terrible twoness. Girl is as smart as a whip, and pushing every limit she can find. She loves to see how Mama will react if she does things, or doesn’t do them. What if I don’t listen? What if I punch my brother? What if I ride the dog like a miniature pony? How about if I go in the potty instead of my diaper? How about if I buckle myself into the car seat without Mama asking? What if I scream in the food store and make people look as I pull cookies off the shelf? Do I get the cookies? She’s testing tones, whining, yelling, tantrums… She is testing and experimenting her brains out. Just Saturday, she chose to test how Mama would react if she smacked every single other kid at a four year old friend’s birthday party. Including the birthday girl. While she ate her birthday cake. I can’t make this up. Tonight? The checkout lady at JoAnn Fabric let me know that Girl was bopping Boy on the head repeatedly. And touching his eye. The lady had to be exaggerating since Boy was sleeping soundly, but Girl WAS being a stinker and probably did poke him a few times just to see what would happen and how I would react. She has to see for herself. She’s her mother’s daughter. Don’t touch the stove? Why not? OUCH! Darn it! Yep. That’s my kid.
What’s a mother to do? Disciplining her makes me feel like a control freak ogre. Her little face is always twisted in a fearful confused expression as she learns the hard way that what she did won’t fly. But it’s her or me ladies and gentlemen, and I’m as stubborn as a mule. I also have a secret weapon. The advice of Yaya. My mother raised four of us. Each of us had a different personality. She says she had to be four different mothers because we each required something different of her. So I called her to see what she suggested… Here was her advice:
“Find something that works and stick to it like glue. Consistency is the only way she is going to learn. If you go with 1, 2, 3, Time Out!, you need to do it the same exact way every time. Time out should mean something to her. Let the little stuff go, but stand on what you say. If you say no, it’s NO. Not Maybe Not.”
I knew this stuff from dog training. The rules are the rules and everyone has to abide. You need to keep her mind and body exhausted or engaged or she will act out out of anger/excess energy/boredom. You have to discipline the same way each time so that she understands that she is getting disciplined. You have to set clear boundaries and stick to them. At this point, there can be no exceptions. We. Do. Not. Poop. In. Our. Pants. PERIOD. We. Do. Not. Hit. Our Brother. PERIOD. Cheer when she does things correctly, and you’ll get way farther than if you just discipline. Stay engaged.
So if I know all of these things, why is it so hard? Because Girl is smart and knows how to push my buttons. She requires repetition. We all do. Conditioning is the only way to change habits, or shape new ones. Being consistent isn’t easy. That’s why people cheat on diets, speed in their cars, and sleep in on the weekends. Like anything else though, I have a choice: Be consistent or suffer the consequences. If I’m not consistent, she won’t understand her place in the world. If I break the rules of my diet, my lovehandles won’t fall off by themselves even if I’d like them to… I’m learning to be consistent does not mean to be controlling. It’s a fine line, but there IS a difference. She doesn’t have to do things my way. She just has to listen to me, abide when the rules apply, and stay safe, or there are consequences. In this case, I’m going with the 1, 2, 3 Time Out method since spanking seems to result in her hitting others when she doesn’t get her way. Time out means criss-cross-applesauce (Indian style for those of us who grew up in the not-so-PC 80’s) with our hands in our lap, not crying or making a scene, no toys, no talking, for two and a half minutes (one minute for each year she has been alive). Have timer will travel. You can find me in the food store with the timer and Girl in the cookie aisle waiting to get up from her Time Out Pow-Wow position on Monday afternoons :).
Being a mom is one of the hardest but most gratifying jobs I will ever have in my life. If someone tells me being a Stay at Home Mama is not work, they better be drunk as a skunk with a lampshade on their head dancing on a table. Otherwise, they are ignorant. Yaya raising four of us without having to go to therapy or getting a drinking problem is an achievement. Doing it in such a way that we kids thought she did it naturally and easily makes her a saint. Sharing her experience with me makes her one of my best friends in the whole world.
Sorry. I have to run. Girl won’t let go of the dog’s tail. God Bless Barkley, he is taking it like a champ. He is begging for relief with those basset/rottie eyes of his. Time Out, Girl. Criss-Cross Applesause. Hands in Your Lap. No Talking. 2 Minutes. I’ll let you know when you can get up. Don’t touch the dog… Put her back when she gets up to see if I really mean two whole minutes. Yep. Start the timer again… Sigh. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow…
How do you all deal with your two year olds? What has worked for you? Do you remember what your moms did? Any suggestions?
